thought I was lost but I was stranded
by nikkiRA
Summary: Oneshot, PercyNico/ He nuzzles into Percy's neck. He still doesn't know what this is but he knows that he needs it, and he thinks Percy feels the same because he clutches at him desperately. T for strong language.


**Sort of companion piece to old cassettes and cigarettes, a story I wrote ages ago. Lovelydrarrylover told me I should do one from Nico's POV, and this was the result. Title once again by Fall by Something Corporate**

* * *

><p>Percy makes this noise.<p>

Nico knows about this noise much earlier than he should have because Percy and Annabeth used to do it _everywhere. _Including right behind his cabin, because, as was explained to him, "No one ever goes near there. No offense." Nico didn't tell them that he goes there, quite often, because they had both clearly figured that out.

But before they both realized that hey, Nico is probably going to be around the place where he fucking sleeps, Nico had walked on the sight of them pushed up against the back of his cabin, and that was when he heard The Noise. Nico will later figure out how to make Percy make The Noise, but the only thought that occurs to him when he sees the two of them fucking is, absurdly, _I want to make him make that sound. _

He doesn't stand around like a pervert, to his credit, just clears his throat and tries not to stare at Percy's hands cupped around his dick. Annabeth blushes a deep shade of red, spreading over her entire body, but Percy just grins sheepishly, looking at Nico the entire time.

* * *

><p>There were not a lot of moments in the Lotus Hotel where he was lucid. And at the time he was a ten year old boy who was still operating on 1940s beliefs and values. So no, 10 year old Nico didn't realize that he was gay. It's hard to focus on sexuality when you're high and stuck in a casino. Nico didn't realize anything until he's almost thirteen and wakes up with wet sheets and an image in his mind of Percy Jackson straddled on top of him that starts to fade as soon as he wakes up.<p>

Nico hates himself for a very long time until his secret is forced out of him by a stupid fucking _god, _which is so like them, ruining everything. But Jason Grace refuses to let Nico hate himself, so despite his best efforts to remain angry and brooding and full of hatred and resentment for the dreams he has at night Nico starts to accept that maybe there's nothing wrong with him at all.

* * *

><p>Annabeth high fives him and Percy looks at him with his mouth gaping open and Nico has an image of that gaping mouth wrapped around his dick.<p>

"You're not my type."

Maybe one day it will be true.

* * *

><p>Will Solace tries to kiss him once but he steps away, into shadows, jumps away and doesn't come back to camp for two weeks. Apollo comes down to the Underworld to try and kill him but Hades won't let him through. Nico goes back to camp and Will comes to his cabin, smiles and laughs, "Sorry dude, my bad," and Nico nods and thinks he probably couldn't do much better than Will Solace.<p>

"Yeah, no problem. Your dad didn't seem too happy, though."

They're friends again but Will doesn't touch him anymore and Nico starts to hate himself again.

* * *

><p>Percy stares at him for four years but he doesn't really notice.<p>

* * *

><p>So The Noise.<p>

Percy makes the noise whenever Nico runs his tongue over Percy's teeth, which for some reason really turns him on. Then Percy will open his mouth really, really, unnecessarily wide, and if Nico were a meaner person he would mock him for it, because he looks fucking ridiculous. But Percy clearly has no goddamn idea what the fuck he's doing, and Nico doesn't, either, but he's had years to come to terms with the fact that he's gay while Percy is stuck aimlessly wandering in the sexuality fog, trying to figure out what exactly this means.

"I'm not gay."

"Okay." Nico doesn't say anything because he knows Percy doesn't mean this in any sort of cliché, quarterback with internalized homophobia who fucks dudes and then threatens them if they say anything type way. He's just trying to find himself on a spectrum that's much larger than he had originally thought.

Plus Nico had just had his lips wrapped around Percy's dick.

"You're not straight," he says lazily. Percy looks at the ceiling, then turns to look at Nico.

"Okay."

Then they make out again.

* * *

><p>"Annabeth says I don't like guys, I just like you."<p>

Nico doesn't like talking about Annabeth, because she hates him now and also because he still kind of feels bad even though Percy is the one who dumped her and then showed up at his door and kissed him. In her defence she definitely hates Percy more, but he doesn't blame her for not being too fond of the guy who started sleeping with her (ex) boyfriend.

"Okay."

"I didn't know that was a thing."

"Why are you so determined to fit this into some neat little box?"

"Look, it's all fine and dandy that you're completely fucking comfortable with who you are but this is all fucking new for me, okay?"

"Fine. Fuck."

Nico knows he should be nicer and more understanding of Percy when he's like this but he's getting pretty fucking tired of having the same conversation over and over, and maybe he's selfish but who the fuck cares.

"I guess I'm Nicosexual."

He smiles. "Sure."

* * *

><p>Percy has started smoking since he's been with Nico. Nico got really angry when he found out because he hates that he smokes, hates that his stupid fucking 16 year old brain thought it would be a cool thing to do because now he can't stop, and now he's watching Percy fumble around, trying to light a cigarette. He hates that Percy started and he hates how fucking hot he looks smoking.<p>

Percy drops the cigarette on the bed and the comforter catches fire. Nico's sink basically blows up in Percy's haste to put out the flames, and Nico doubles over, laughing until he can't breathe. Percy looks embarrassed and won't look Nico in the eye until he crawls on top of him and shoves his tongue in his mouth.

* * *

><p>"You should tell me where you're going."<p>

"I don't always know where I'm going."

"Well you should at least tell me when you're going to be back."

"I don't always know when I'll be back."

"For fuck's sake, Nico!"

"Why do you need to know? You're not my goddamn mother."

"Because I would like to know that you're not fucking dead! For fuck's sake, you're my fucking…"

Percy trails off and Nico raises his eyes to meet his. "Yes?" Because he doesn't know what the fuck this is.

"Just fucking tell me when you're going to disappear again, please."

"Whatever."

* * *

><p>The thing is Nico is almost nineteen years old and he should be over this whole angry scene kid thing he has going on. He has Hazel, has a sister, and friends, somehow, and for some strange reason a best friend like Jason fucking Grace, who annoys the piss out of Nico but who also always knows what to say to make him feel better. And strangest of all he has Percy, whatever that means.<p>

But he can't let go of things the way the others can, and he holds things inside of himself for longer than is healthy, and he's still super rusty on this whole _sharing _thing. So sometimes he gets really overwhelmed by the world above and the people in it and so he disappears for days on end, catching his breath in the Underworld. He never tells Percy, or anyone, really, because he doesn't even know he needs a break until he's there.

One day him and Percy are fighting over this, over how he just disappears, and Nico is so fucking tired and he just spits, "Oh, go to hell, Percy."

Percy stares at him and then says, very quietly, "I have."

That's around the time Nico stops disappearing so often and that's around the time Percy starts staying the night.

* * *

><p>Percy is clumsy when it comes to him. His hands travel all over Nico's body but he still doesn't really know how to touch him. He stops sucking on Nico's skin before he can leave a mark because he's afraid he's going to hurt him. He only ever fucks him gently, like they're in a fucking John Hughes movie, losing their virginities underneath the stars.<p>

"Percy, I'm not a goddamn _china doll,_" he growls out once as Percy kisses down his neck, so Nico flips him over onto his back, straddling above him, leans down and bites down hard on Percy's lip, fingers scraping down his stomach. Percy hisses and bucks, tries to gain the upper hand, digs his fingers into Nico's arms as Nico nibbles on his ear, then catches him off guard and flips him back over, leaving angry red marks all over Nico's throat with his mouth. When they're done they're both panting and sweating and marked everywhere, and every time Nico sees those marks on Percy he has to fight the desire to push him down and give him more, and judging from the amount of times Percy drags him into some dark corner or alley to kiss him hungrily Nico assumes Percy feels the same.

* * *

><p>Sometimes Percy says something and Nico will scowl, roll his eyes, and then he'll look back at Percy and he'll have this <em>look,<em> this sad, hurt expression on his face and Nico is still trying to figure out how to be around other people. And he's just now starting to understand that the island he had hidden himself on, the walls he had put up after Bianca died, that he wasn't there by choice. He was stranded there, locked behind those walls. _No man is an island, _and he's finally understanding that his island isn't an island, it's a prison. He was stranded but pretended he was there by choice.

Percy sends a boat, without realizing it. Percy knocks down those walls. And it's _so fucking cliché _and he hates it but it's true.

He nuzzles into Percy's neck. He still doesn't know what this is but he knows that he needs it, and he thinks Percy feels the same because he clutches at him desperately.

The truth is Nico isn't nearly as tough as he seems.


End file.
